Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
