Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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