Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
