I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
