She is in my trunk
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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