Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
