i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
