dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize