I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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