Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
