didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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