I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
