the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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