I faked an abortion last night.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
