Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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