I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
