He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm like, not good at living.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
