You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
