Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
