It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
