Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
