party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
How's work?
Spinning.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
