yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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