Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
