I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
