I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
