When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Randomize
