you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Randomize
