we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
