ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
