So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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