You're completely useless in the revolution.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
