The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
