So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
as a side note pls kill me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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