p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
