So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
