i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
