My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize