Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
