epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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