I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
