dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The adults are the big ones right?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
