She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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