I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
