Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
