I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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