he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize