i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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