well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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