Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
