Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
