Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
