omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
