So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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