I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
