I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
