You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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