I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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