My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
