No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
