I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
