How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
