I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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