By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
