it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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