Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize