it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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