i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
