i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize