oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
nutella sex= disaster
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
