But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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