The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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