South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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