That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
