If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
