make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
