oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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