I am midnight drunk by noon
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
