my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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