So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize