great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Randomize
