How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize