Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
