It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
