apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Two words: blizzard sex
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
