We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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