My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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