I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
