I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
