I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
