Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
