just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
