I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
