Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
