white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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