Christians are straight up FREAKS
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
