Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
