smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he puts the penis in happiness.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
