Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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