hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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