I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
