So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
