I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize