i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
