Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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