dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
