but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
